time

sometimes i feel like i don't really belong. sundays are my days. i can spend the day doing whatever i want. usually i sleep as late as i can and then i'll get up and shower and go to starbucks to sit and read or study or write or all of that. i feel like i'm not really part of life. like i'm somehow watching but not really there. almost like a ghost or a shadow. it's not lonely or creepy or anything like that. i just feel separate from the rest of the world. it's not lonely but it is sort of sad. the calm and accepted sad that just kind of comes with knowing what's missing. i hide in memories. i let myself get absorbed in books. i wonder what the world would think if they saw what i see. how odd i must seem to everyone else. i try to surround myself in beautiful oddities-art, music, jewelry, books, clothes... it helps a little. after more than a month i thought i'd feel better than i do. no one's ever had this sort of impact. now i look back and think about what it would be like to go back to any one of the times i fell in love. i wish for that time back. but there is no going back now.

who knew you could fall in love with the same person so many times in just a few months?