stupid internet. keeps closing me out of my browser so i just lost a post. oh well.

didn't do as well as i wanted to on my exam. i'm mad at myself. must. study. more.

prince charming forgot his name this week so i'm done trying for now. he'll track me down when he decides he wants to. i'm over it. waste of my time and energy to even try to be nice to him. he gets his panties in a twist and decides i annoy him. like he's so accomodating or tollerant...

now that i have money coming in again, i think it's time to take care of a few things. hair, make up, clothes, SHOES! i can rock a lab coat, 6 inch stilettos and your whole world. it's easier if the stilettos are in the closet though...

i have a new minor obsession with lady gaga. not entirely sure why. maybe i'll update my ipod later today and go running if the torado warning goes away...

i need to study today. major exam tomorrow. i'm tired of the let down. it's coming from everywhere now so i guess it's stupid of me to expect anything from anyone. so i won't anymore. it's kind of funny though that the people i'm supposed to be able to rely on are nowhere to be found right now.

i'm sick of the temper tantrums and being blamed for things that aren't my fault. we're back to where we were the last go around where he swears he's not mad at me but won't talk to me and avoids me. whatever. i don't have time for his crap. i might be working as a nanny again but i'm not his nanny. he doesn't want to do anything or go out or see me so i guess i'm done trying. it's a complete waste of energy. i like him a lot but i don't think i like anyone (except maybe my niece) enough to put up with this.

and the funny part is that he's going to kick himself when i walk away and don't come back. he doesn't want the committment and he's still stuck on his little fashionista. i'm pretty sure it was a similar story with them. i guess he sat on the fence and never really made a committment and she bailed and 'slap-chopped' his heart. whatever. it's not my problem. he likes to say i'm negative and i'm drama. i don't cause drama. the vast majority of my 'drama' is what he's created. i do sound negative when i'm frustrated and stressed out. i've suggested we go out. i get no answer.

i'm done trying if he won't make an effort.

i have the organization and development of the nervous system to contend with.

it really irritates me when my mom avoids me and the boy claims he's not mad at me but doesn't speak to me at all. it really irritates me that so many of my friends expect me to drop everything for them but can't be bothered to help when i need it. i'm really not a fan of all of the stupid stuff right now that i have absolutely no control over whatsoever coming back to bite me. i didn't do anything so no one else should take out their crap on me. i'm sick of being blamed for things that i not only have no control over, but didn't cause and was not involved in. i'm tired of being compared to other people. i'm not the most fashionable and i'm not the most confident all the time but i am one of the smartest and i am one of the most patient. maybe i should be less tollerant. i shouldn't have to put up with this.