i need to study today. major exam tomorrow. i'm tired of the let down. it's coming from everywhere now so i guess it's stupid of me to expect anything from anyone. so i won't anymore. it's kind of funny though that the people i'm supposed to be able to rely on are nowhere to be found right now.

i'm sick of the temper tantrums and being blamed for things that aren't my fault. we're back to where we were the last go around where he swears he's not mad at me but won't talk to me and avoids me. whatever. i don't have time for his crap. i might be working as a nanny again but i'm not his nanny. he doesn't want to do anything or go out or see me so i guess i'm done trying. it's a complete waste of energy. i like him a lot but i don't think i like anyone (except maybe my niece) enough to put up with this.

and the funny part is that he's going to kick himself when i walk away and don't come back. he doesn't want the committment and he's still stuck on his little fashionista. i'm pretty sure it was a similar story with them. i guess he sat on the fence and never really made a committment and she bailed and 'slap-chopped' his heart. whatever. it's not my problem. he likes to say i'm negative and i'm drama. i don't cause drama. the vast majority of my 'drama' is what he's created. i do sound negative when i'm frustrated and stressed out. i've suggested we go out. i get no answer.

i'm done trying if he won't make an effort.

i have the organization and development of the nervous system to contend with.