today will be a 12 hour day at work with no break. but i still don't work hard enough and don't do enough here. i've sacrificed relationships and given more than maybe i should have to succeed here. yet, i don't seem to have anything to show for everything i've given up. what i do have right now is a rediculous stress level, a boyfriend who won't talk to me, more work than i know what to do with and an almost desperate hope of escaping a lot of this for even a day. but that won't happen. i am trapped beneath the never-ending barrage of school work and work work and have no one who will go out with me when i can manage to pretend i'm not here for a few hours. i do too much for too many people. there's nothing left for me at the end of the day. there's nothing there for me at the beginning of the day. i used to dream about doing things and going places. now it all seems very naive. i used to believe the things he said about me. now i think i trust too easily and must truly be stupid. if he meant what he said, he'd be here. he'd talk to me. how stupid of me to think that someone would think that highly of me.

no one notices how much i do or how hard i try, but everyone is incredibly quick to point out where i've screwed up or let them down.