if i had said what i thought, said what i still feel, would it be any different now?

i'm walking through this surreality where i am constantly accosted by memories and thoughts and feelings and i am forced to wonder how much of it is real and how much is nostalgia seen with muted affect. it almost feels like walking through the snow just before the sun comes up when the whole world is still asleep and there's no sound and every color seems dull or tired. but it's not winter and it doesn't snow in florida and the rest of the world sees everything the way it's supposed to be.

'i don't want you in my life right now-or maybe ever.'

i'm waiting for the color to come back...